Teenage is the onset of puberty. They go through a lot of physical and emotional changes which are beyond their comprehension. They pass through a period of stress & storm and feel they are on an emotional seesaw. One moment they may be happy after getting ‘chicken dinner’ or winning an argument but the next moment they may be disheartened for being unable to conform to their peer group. They are in a constant search of self. Due to these reasons, there is bound to be a change in relationships of teens with their parents.

1) Identity crisis and ambiguous status

Adolescents in this stage are in the identity crisis and parents usually add to their confusion and frustration by giving them ambiguous status. When they try to indulge in adult conservation and give suggestions, they are told that they are “too young” to do that. But when they procrastinate some work or refuse to clean their wardrobe, they are scolded for being irresponsible and are asked to act “according to their age”. This creates resentment in the mind of teenagers and leaves them with a big question, “Who am I?”

2) Love-hate relationship due to freedom vs control

Teenagers share a love-hate relationship with their parents as there is an increase in the child-parents conflict. According to them, their parents don’t know the modern world and try to impose their old school rules over them which triggers them a lot. They believe that their parents don’t understand them. They want freedom and rebel against any restrictions imposed on them. For instance, when they aren’t permitted for a night out at a friend’s house, they protest and argue to win over the situation. They are rigid and uncooperative.

Such conflicts often make them feel less close to each other. Parents often tense that their children aren’t growing up to the mark. They feel that they are disobedient, ill-tempered, have no value system and are irresponsible.

3) Generation and cultural gap

Adolescents are exposed to a different environment through school activities and peer groups. There is a change in their mentality, thoughts, values and belief systems. And due to the advancement in technology, they come across different cultures and believe in idealism. Generation and culture gap is another reason for deteriorating child-parent relationships. Children are impulsive and if parents refuse to accept their beliefs and try to take control over their mind, things do not work out!

4) Privacy

They aren’t as close to their parents as they were in early childhood. They don’t share everything with parents like before especially related to sex or girlfriends/boyfriends. Parents can’t accept the fact that their child thinks or talks about sex. They add to the confusion by scolding and criticising them instead of explaining them.

They become secretive and resist spending time with family members. They demand their privacy and like to stay in closed rooms and discover things on their own.

5) Studies and career

In India even before the child is born, he/she is earmarked for engineering or medical. Children do fantasize becoming a doctor/engineer but growing up, they explore other areas of interest. Some parents accept their choice but some parents are reluctant and don’t accept there is any scope for an art graduate. Although adolescents are quite impatient they always look for their parent’s advice regarding their career and streams. The collision between their interests and parents’ choice often land them in a state of stress and pressure.

Families who are friendly and entertain the opinion of everyone, their children are confident and don’t deviate from the path. However, in families, where parents exercise control over their children, adolescents are unable to develop confidence and suffer inferiority complexes. The parent-child relationship is very crucial. Parents must understand that there are various techniques of control over their children instead of beating them. They must also respect the boundaries and understand their interests. A friendly attitude towards them will always convince them than a stern voice giving orders.  Adolescence is the most crucial period of life, if nurtured and appreciated, they have a lot of potential to make a marked change in society.

An article by Ruqayya Asif.